Character deaths
by maddyfox
Summary: If Isayama doesn't kill them, I will (yes, I'm an evil potato). This fic is basically about killing off characters, every chapter is a different charcter, the first one is Jean and I was hoping you would leave a review to let me know who I should write next, hope you enjoy.. warning: it's super depressing (and none of it is canon, just my messed up imagination)
1. Jean

Jean hit the ground as he felt a wave of pain flowing through his body, _what happened? Why can't I move? Why am I feeling so numb?_ Everything happened so fast he couldn't even understand the situation, he couldn't focus on anything but the wave of pure unbarable pain his body was experiencing for the first time.

Pushing her out of the way had been like a reflex. He didn't have any time to think about it, he just did it, without thinking for a second. He felt like he did the right thing, and didn't regret it at all, he just found it ironic that he was going to die for the girl who he always loved but that was never able to love him back.

He stared blankly at the sky, not beeing able to move or think, he was stuggling to keep his eyes open. He watched as birds flew freely above him, they weren't feeling any pain, they weren't trapped in these walls, they were so free and all he wanted at the moment was to be like them. He heard indistinct shouting around him but he payed no attention to it, he kept looking up at the sky… the beautiful puffy clouds and those free birds flying towards the unknown. He started feeling out of breath and closed his eyes slowly, he wanted to keep them open, he feared he would never open them again if they closed but he couldn't help it, they were now shut.

He heard a big thud, the titan who ate his lower half must have been quickly killed, he was guessing by Mikasa or the Corporal.

He felt a pair of arms pulling him up and shaking him.

«Jean!» It was her voice, his favorite voice, he tried his hardest to open his eyes just to see her one more time as he enjoyed the sound of her beautiful voice calling his name.

Tears were streaming down her gentle features as she desperately tried to get her friend to wake up, he tried his best to do as she asked but it was like his body didn't want to respond to his commands anymore.

When he finally managed to lift up his eavy eyelids, a weak smile formed on his lips.

With the little strenght he had left, he brought his hand to her cheek, wiping the tears away.

«Please, stay with us…» She whispered. Jean moved his hand to her hair.

«You have… beautiful…» He stopped for a second, every word he said made him feel like a thousand kives were stabbing his chest. «Hair.» He finished and dropped his arm on the ground, not having the to force to keep it up anymore.

A scream escaped from the girl's lips.

«Mikasa…» Said a voice behind her, it was Armin, he put a hand on her shoulder, trying to console her, but he was in no state to do it, his eyes were also filled with tears of sorrow and he felt a painful sensation in his chest, where the heart is. He couldn't believe that his friendship with Jean could just end in that horrible way, he always took him for granted.

He looked back to everything he went trough with Jean, from thier first encounter while instructor Shadis was interogating the new recruits up to that moment, the image of his friend jumping in the mouth of a titan to save Mikasa was still so vivid in his mind, he couldn't help it, sobs started escaping his lips, he had always been emotionally weak and unable to control his feelings, but in that moment he didn't care if he would come off as weak or a cry baby, Jean was all over his mind, every moment passed in his company flashed before his eyes.

Armin wished that Marco hadn't died… If he were still alive, Jean would be in the MP with him, he would be alive and happy, safe, just like he wanted from the very beginning.

He clenched his fist, trying to push the thought away, it was happening and he couldn't change the past, no matter how hard he wished he could.

Everything they had been trough together was going to end just like that? He kept sobbing quietly, drowining in his thoughts and memories.

The full squad was now around the dying boy, Eren brought a hand to his mouth, in shock.

«Jean! What the fuck..?!» Shouted Connie when he saw him, he brought his hands to his head as his eyes widened more and more, he couldn't believe what just happened, how could it be? «No, no, no, no, no…» Connie kept repeating that word as if it could help him wake up from that horrible nightmare.

Sasha was screaming in despair, no one paid any attention to her though, she kept screaming and screaming, she knew it wouldn't help but she did it any way, she couldn't hold it back.

Eren had seen Jean push Mikasa out of the way but he handn't realized how badly wounded he was. He felt his sight get blury, he wasn't going to cry for horseface, was he?

Eren felt incredibly guilty for all the times they fought, for how many times he called him a coward or horseface. He felt so proud of how much Jean had changed since the 104th trainee squad, he went from a coward who just wanted to hide behind the safest walls to a true, respectable, brave, hero. Eren pressed his hand to his lips a little harder, he couldn't cry, he had to be strong, for Mikasa and for Jean. Dammit, he was gonna miss him so much even if he would never admit it out loud. His annoying hot-headed personality, his arrogance, the way he would always speak his mind, no matter the consequences… everything. He became like a brother to him in the last years.

«Dammit! Jean wake the fuck up!» Shouted Eren, not being able to believe what was happening. «You can't die like this!» He shouted again, salty tears were filling his green eyes.

«Stop yelling at him you moron!» Scolded Levi, Eren bit his lip and brought his hand to his mouth again, trying to keep his calm.

He wished with all his heart that his friend's life wouldn't end just like that, he didn't want everything Jean had been trough to be useless. What use was fighting or living at all if everything could just end and disappear like that.

Tears were streaming down Eren's eyes, he decided to let them fall so he took the hand away from his mouth and placed it on his heart, doing the military salute. If there was a way to say goodbye to a hero like him, that was it.

Armin kept sobbing softly as Levi just looked at the dying member of his squad with a sad look on his face, not letting his emotions show too much but they all knew how much the Captain hated casualties. Jean was the first member of his new squad to die, he cared about him too, even if he wouldn't admit it. Connie and Sasha were crying their eyes out and screaming the loudest.

But Jean could only see her, he only cared about her, everyone else was so distant and unimportant for him in that moment.

«It's my fault! If only I didn't let my guard down...» Said Mikasa between soft sobs.

He couldn't hear what she was saying until a horrible thought raced through his mind _I'm never going to see her again, am I?_ His eyes were now filled with tears too, he was so young, so many things he hadn't done yet, so many feeling he hadn't felt yet. It was too late now, he would never see his mother again, he would never taste her cooking again, he regreted not treating her better, he regreted so many things he had done. He regreted being an asshole to everyone, particularly Eren, not being able to save Marco and so many other things, he had made so many mistakes in his life… but one thing he did not regret, at least the last thing he did was right and he was sure of it: he saved Mikasa, the girl he always loved.

So many thoughts filled his heart with sadness, he didn't want to give up but he knew there was nothing else he could do, no matter how hard he fought or wished to stay alive.

Mikasa grabbed his hand and squeezed it softly.

«I don't want to die...» he whispered. Those words shattered her heart into a million pieces, she felt so guilty about never loving him the way he did, about always puting Eren before him. She wished she could be in his place, he did it all to save her life… she should have been be the one dying, not Jean. The guilt in her heart was killing her but she couldn't do anything to change what happened.

«I'm sure you'll join Marco a better place...» She said, squeezing his hand a little tighter, wishing it would keep him awake. «You won't feel pain, sadness, envy...» She pause to let out some sobs. «You'll never have to suffer again, ever, I promise.» He closed his eyes softly, thinking about how good it would feel to be realived of all the pain he felt in his miserable life, how funny that the only thing that ever got her attention was jumping in a titan's mouth to save her life.

 _Hey Marco, I'm finally going to join you up there... I missed you a lot, lad._ He thought, remembering his freckled friend somehow reassured him as if he had always been there by his side, he knew he would be there when it was over, he wasn't alone, Marco would be there for him the same way he was when he was alive.

He started feeling gradually better, he wasn't feeling the unbarable pain anymore and everything around him started to get blury, the world was getting darker and quieter. The last thing he felt was panic as he realized he was dying, what was going to happen now? Was there anything after life? He braced himself for what was about to come.

He tried to fight it but uncounciousnes was getting the better of him. His last thought went to his comrades, all around him, Mikasa's hand in his, there was no way he would have rather died..

His whole life started flashing before his eyes, all of the most important moments he lived were now vivid in his mind: his mother; the 104th trainee squad; his fights with Eren; the training; the battle of Trost; Marco's pyre; joining the Scouting Legion; his cook-off with Sasha; the mission where they encountered the female Titan; Armin's plan to capture Annie; joining squad Levi; learing that Reiner and Berthold were traitors too; finding out that Christa's name was actually Historia Reiss; fighting the Military Police that he once wanted to join; Armin killing a man to save his life; defeating Rod Reiss; Historia being crowned queen and now the mission to shiganshina… he would never see it's complition. He would never see the outside world, the ocean Armin always talked about and he would never experience true freedom.

«Thank you all…» He paused, he couldn't find the breath to go on. «Thank you…. For being my comrades…. No, my brothers and sisters…. For caring about me…. » He didn't have to force to go on anymore but he did it anyway, he had one last thing to say. «Eren…. Humanity is counting on you….. don't let them down…. Please, don't fail you suicidal bastard….» His words were interrupted by strong coughs.

«I swear I won't fail.» Shouted Eren between his sobs. «Goodbye, brother.» He added, biting his lower lip no stop himself from sobbing.

«Thanks….. you guys…. Goodbye…» He said his last words as a chilling darkness surrounded him, he took one last long breath and slipped into oblivion.

Nobody dared to move as each of them dealed with different feelings and different memories.

Armin fell on his knees next to Mikasa and put his hand on Jean's chest, his expression looked even sadder when he realized his heart wasn't beating anymore, sobs escaped his mouth until he spoke the words nobody wanted to hear.

«We lost him.» He shouted between sobs.

Nobody spoke in response, they stayed quiet for a couple of minutes, as a sign of respect.

«I swear you did not die in vain. I will avenge you!» Shouted Eren as tears streamed down his face. «I promise, Jean, I promise!»

«Thank you Jean, you saved my life…» Whispered Mikasa between loud and heartbreaking sobs. «You are a hero.» She added. _I will never thank you enough… I'm so sorry, about everything._

«We're gonna miss you so much dude….» Wispered Connie, holding back his sobs, he was hugging Sasha to stop her from shouting in despair, they were sort of consoling each other. Sasha wasn't able to stop crying to say some last words to his friend but she was thinking them without a doubt.

Armin sniffled. «I always belived in you… say hi to Marco form us..» He burst to sobs again.

Silence filled the area again (besides Sasha's loud sobs) until the group heard loud footsteps aproaching.

«We have to leave him here, they are coming.» Said Levi. His whole squad looked at him as if he just killed Jean himself, none of them wanted to leave him. Levi sighed as he gave Jean a last sad glance. «Fine then, this is a order: we are getting the fuck out of here.» Mikasa got up and dried her eyes with the palm of her hand and nodded. Armin couldn't stop sobbing, no matter what he did but he still listened to the order and turned away from Jean. Levi started walking away, Mikasa and Armin following. Connie tried to dethach himself from Sasha and follow Levi but she didn't let go of him so he decided to carry her away instead.

Eren looked at the lifeless body one last time.

«Goodbye Jean… you are one of the best friends I ever had.» He wiped his tears away and ran after the rest of the squad, leaving Jean forever.

Jean's body was lying limp on the ground but his face looked somehow relieved, all of the pain he ever felt was now a distant memory, he was now happily reunited with his best friend Marco.


	2. Eren

Eren let tears of joy fill his green in eyes as commander Erwin stood on top of the wall with Corporal Levi at his side, he was about to make the big announcement, what humanity had been waiting to hear for cenuties. They both had a beautiful happy smile on their faces, it was so rare to see captain Levi smile and it was honstly heart warming.

All the citezens were gathered around, looking up and waiting for him to say those words, the greatest day of every one's life was about to begin, Eren's eyes tingled with anticipation, he could wait another second for it.

Erwin brought his closed hand to his heart, doing the military salute, offering up his heart, not for the king but for mankind. Eren imitated him as did all of the members of the Scouting Legion.

"Today we celebrate our victory against the greatest threat umanity ever faced!" He stopped for a second, giving everybody time to process what he said, even his eyes were watery from emotion. "All the titans have been slayed!" Shouted Erwin.

A loud cry lifted from the crowd, some people started crying, some were smiling, he saw a girl faint, kids were jumping around with happiness written all over their faces.

Eren couldn't help it but smile like an idiot, after all they had been trough: they lost so many comrades, friends and family, so many had been torn to shreds, crushed, killed without mercy. He remembered his mother's warm smile, so much time had passed since he lost her, he almost forgot what she actually looked like. His thoughts then went to Marco, his kind words and positive attitude, followed by Petra's big brown eyes, Oluo biting his tongue as he tried to immitate Levi, the thought of it almost made Eren laugh...

But after so many years all the sacrifices had been repayed, the lives that they lost were in the past in this moment of pure happiness.

Eren looked around, he saw Mikasa with Armin and Jean, she was reluctantly hugging a little girl who thanked her and begged for a hug, kids were always her weak spot.

Jean and Armin were next to each other while chatting to different people who were thanking them for risking their lives to eliminate the titans. They looked so happy, Jean had a cocky smile on his face as he took the compliments people were giving him and told exagerated stories about facing the titans, to make people admire him, Eren thought it was stupid but he couldn't take that away from him… he did deserve respect for fighting so bravely, as did all of his comrades.

Armin was being rather modest, unlike Jean, to every compliment he would answer something like "I wouldn't have done it without the help of my comrades" and excuses like that, the truth was that without Armin they would all have died in the Trost Battle, but Armin had never been sure of himself, Eren smiled at him but he didn't see him, he was too busy turning down compliments.

Eren kept watching from a distance, he was touched that people were so greatful to the Scouting Legion, every single one of his comrades deserved all the admiration in the world.

Eren watched with a smile, his friends were nearby, hugging crying women and kids, even Mikasa had a smile on her face now.

Eren looked away and his smile faded, what was going on? This was supposed to be the happiest day of his life yet something wasn't feeling quite right to him.

"Are you a member of the Survey Corps?" Asked a high pitched voice coming from behind him, he turned around to see a cute little girl with a big smile.

He smiled back and nodded.

"You are my heroes!" She said happily, opening her arms, as Eren was about to hug her he saw a hand pulling the girl away from him.

"Hannah! Not him! He's a monster." Eren's heart broke at those words, he assumed that she was her mother.

"He's one of them." She explained, pulling her in the crowd until Eren couldn't see her anymore.

He fell on his knees with his eyes wide open, he couldn't believe people saw him as a monster after all he had done.

He had never seen it that way but it was the truth, he was the only titan left. He put his hands on his head, he was a monster, a threat.

He shook his head, he couldn't truly think that of himself, not after all he had been through, he knew in his heart that he was good. Or was he?

"Eren are you okay?" The person behind him put a hand on his shoulder with concern.

Eren got up, he had to leave, he couln't stay in a crowded place in that moment.

"I'm fine Sasha, it's just a headache." He answered, brushing her hand away and looking around to find a place he could go to stay alone.

Sasha didn't say anything in response but she was worried about his strange behavior, she was about to tell Mikasa but she got distracted when Connie told her all reasturants were giving away free food and drinks to celebrate.

Eren started running through the narrow streets, trying to find somewhere isolated but the city was filled with happy people who were cheering and crying of happiness. So he ran to the Surver Corps HQ, the only place where he could find some privacy, the only place that was now empty since everyone was outside celebrating. Eren locked himself in one of the barthrooms, he needed to take a moment to think straight.

He rested his back on the bathroom wall and let himself slide down, putting his hands in his hair as that voice echoed in his mind. "Not him! He's a monster!" It kept repeating, making him want to crush his head into a wall to stop it.

His beautiful eyes were now filled with salty tears.

"I'm not a monster… I killed them… I helped humanity!" He shouted, slowly losing his sanity.

Then he got a quick flashback, his mother in the hands of that titan, the one with a huge smiling face, Eren felt all of his hate and anger emerge. He thought he would never have to deal with that feeling again.

He couldn't take it anymore.

"E-Every last one of them…" He whispered, then his eyes widened in realization, he wasn't crying anymore. "Every last one of them." He repeated.

He got up, seeing his immage reflected in the mirror, all he could see was a titan, a monster, a threat.

He had to keep everybody safe from himself and he knew there was only one possible way to do it.

There was no esitation in his movments as he took one of the blades from his manouvre gear, he was still wearing it, Erwin told him and the others to wear their uniform and gear for the last time today.

He brought it to his arm, his hand didn't even shake or hesitate, he was sure about what he was doing… he had to do it, for his friends… Armin, Mikasa, Sasha, Connie, Historia and even Jean, he hoped they wouldn't be sad about it, he hoped they would understand. Then he told himself he was doing it for the common people, the people who feared him and for his superiors, commander Erwin, he hoped this ould make him proud.

Then a image of Levi flashed in his mind, if he was there he would have probably told him he was a stupid brat and that he could solve this in another way… but he wasn't and Eren wasn't sure if he was sad or glad about it.

He looked at the mirror one last time, his expression was as serious as ever, no regrets.

He made a deep cut going from the posterior region of his elbow to his wrist, he moaned at the pain as he let his blade fall to the ground.

"Every last one of them." He layed on ground, waiting for the end, he stared at the blood around him, the room was filled with the red liquid as he waited for the darkness to take over.

Minutes passed and Eren was about to lose his conciousnes.

"Eren? Are you in there? Is everything ok?" He jolted at the sound of the familiar voice. How in the world did she find him?

"Mikasa… I'm fine." He answered weakly.

"Open the door." She begged, she knew something wrong with him, she always knew. The bond they shared was so strong that she could sence his pain.

"Please… leave." He whispered, he didn't know if she heard it but he knew she wasn't going to leave, no matter how much he begged.

Eren felt a wave of sadness filling his heart, he had to leave Mikasa and Armin, he would never see the outside world… the sea.

But he didn't regret his decision, he was a monster, he didn't deserve to live anymore, humanity would never be truly free until he was also gone from the world.

"I'm knocking the door down!" She shouted with worry.

"Mikasa… don't…" He said, tring to talk loudly. She stopped.

"Eren, seriously, what's going on?" She asked.

"You wouldn't understand…" He answered. "I did it for all of you." He said, as his voice cracked, he couldn't talk anymore, he lost way too much blood.

"Eren, what do you mean?!" She shouted.

"I'm sorry… Mikasa, try to understand my decision." He said as he felt his eyelids getting eavier.

"Eren, you are scaring me." She said and he heard her voice crack, was she crying? Did she understand what was happening?

He also heard a crash, she knocked down the door.

Silence followed for a couple of minutes, he assumed she was standing there with tears in her eyes, he wanted to talk and comfort her but he didn't even have the force to turn his body toward the door.

The thought of hurting her made his heart break but he knew he did the right thing, he knew it.

He heard a long, hurt shout, followed by unstoppable sobs.

"I'm sorry…" He said with all the air he had left in his lungs. Everything fades as he closed his eyes, this was it.


	3. Sasha

The mission was going well, Sasha's formation had only encountered three titans who had all been killed by the veterans in the group as she and Connie watched and learned.

It was all going smoothly as they followed Erwin's lead, the other groups also seemed to be doing well, none of them encountered an abnormal yet, which was defenately good.

"Yo Sash." Said Connie as he galopped next to his best friend. She turned around to face him. "When we get back, I have a surprise for you." He grinned as his heart started racing a little faster at the mention of later, he couldn't wait for it anymore.

"Really? Is it food?" She answered in an excited tone.

"You'll see, it's a surprise." He shrugged and kept galopping. Connie had been waiting for the right moment to give her "the surprise" for almost a year, everything was ready, Jean and Armin had helped him with everything: decorating his room, stealing the meat he was going to serve her that night and hiding the ring that had always belonged to his family. His mother decided to give it to him the last time he went to visit her, telling him it was time for him to chose someone to give it too.

He and Sasha weren't toghether… or maybe they were, Connie wasn't sure… they never made it official but they spent a awfully long ammout of time toghether, they never left eachother unless they absolutely had to. Nothing romantic had ever happened between them, except a kiss a couple of months past but they didn't need to do anything to prove what they felt for eachother.

Connie knew that if he had to give the ring to one person, it had to be Sasha, she had always been beside him, no matter what and he wouldn't mind at all if he had to spend the rest of his life with her. He knew she felt the same, even if a tiny part of him was scared that she wouldn't accept it.

He was so excited about it all that he was a little too distracted during the mission, his head was in the clouds and his heart was beating faster then normal. He smiled to himself and glanced at Sasha, she looked beautiful as ever, her hair flowing in the wind and her eyes focused on scanning the area. He was screwed.

They kept galopping for 10 minutes without encountering titans until they saw one in the distance running towards them.

"Connie, look at how it's running!" She shouted between laughs, the titan was running very strangely, making some weird ass pirouettes as he ran.

"It's doing ballet!" Answered Connie, laughing.

"I wouldn't be laughing if I were you, it's coming for us." Said one of the veterans, scolding the two idiots.

When the titan reached them, the veterans killed it, but that wasn't the end of it. A group of titans came running behind them, four titans all at once. When Connie saw them he made the least manly scream that ever escaped a guy's mouth. Sasha bit her lip and stared in front of her in shock, hoping that if she didn't look at them, they would just disappear. Two veterans died killing only one titan, Connie was in panic but he got ready to use his gear, to help the last veteran that was with them, he had to protect Sasha at all costs.

But Sasha was thinking the same thing, she and the veteran attacked one of the titans at the same time, Connie looked at them in shock, he did not expect it. The titan was killed, but one of the other titans grabbed the last veteran and killed him before they could do anything to save him, two titans were left and he and Sasha were alone, before doing anything he shot an emergency flare, hoping the closest formation would come to help.

As he shot the flare a titan got closer to grab him but Sasha put herself between them, it grabbed her, she tried to wiggle away from it but it's grip kept getting tighter and tighter. She shouted in pain. Connie let out all of his anger and killed the titan as quickly as he could, right after killing that titan he started running towards the other one, he jumped on it's shoulder with his gear, the titan grabbed his leg but Connie cut it's fingers and killed it.

He ran to Sasha, she was on the ground, in pain, the titan held on to her a little too tightly, blood was all over her as she blanckly started at the sky, barely breathing. Connie ran to her with tears in his eyes.

"Sash!" He shouter, kneeling beside her, taking her in his arms, she moaned in pain when he moved her. "Is everything ok?" He didn't have any idea how bad her injuries were, he thought the titan just held her normally, but he didn't he squeezed her, breaking all of her ribs and damaging her internal organs. She shook her head slowly. Only then Connie realised what was going on, he needed to get her to the walls to get medical attention imidiately or she would die. He bit his lip to stop himself from crying, he had to be strong.

"A-Am I going to die?" She asked, her voice was so weak and broken, it took all of Connie's willpower to stop himself from crying his eyes out.

"N-No Sash, reinforcemnts are coming, they'll take you to wall Rose and fix everything…" He said but he didn't even believe it himself, she would never make it all the way to wall Rose, her injuryes were way too serious. Only then did Connie realise he was going to lose the most important person in his life and there was nothing he could do about it.

"Connie…" She used all of her force to smile. "Remember the potato?" She laughed softly but laughing made her cough blood, Connie tightened the grip on her body, ters were burning on his cheeks, he couldn't hold them back anymore. He nodded and forced himself to smile.

"How could I forget.." He answered, pressing his forehead on her's. She smiled.

"I would have said yes…" She whispered. Connie waited for her to explain. "I heard you talking to Jean and Armin yesterday." Connie started sobbing. "I would have married you." She added.

"I love you.. I always will." he whispered between sobs, he would have done anything to die in her place, to save her. Now that he knew she would have accepted, his heart ached even more, all the time they could have spent toghether, all the memories they could have made, it was all over.

"And I love you." She answered with a whisper, her eyes were still barely open, looking at Connie with a little sweet smile on her beautiful face. "There is no way I would rather die." She added, placing a hand on Connie's cheek, wiping a tear away before she let her hand fall on the ground.

She soon stopped breathing, Connie almost didn't notice it because her eyes stayed open, fixated on him. His father once told him that when someone died with their eyes open they were too attached to life to let it go, his heart shattered and he let himself go, he shouted to the sky and started sobbing uncontrollably. Hugging Sasha's lifeless body, hoping it would bring her back. The pain he was feeling was greater then any physical pain he ever felt in his life.

After minutes, hours or days, Connie lost trak of time compleately, someone shook his shoulder.

"Connie!" It was Jean's voice but it was so distant and unimportant to him, he kept hugging Sasha's body tightly as sobs escaped his lips, he wasn't ready to let go. "What the fuck is up?" He asked. Connie detached myself from Sasha enough for his friend to see her face, then he looked at him, with tears still in his eyes. Armin gasped in shock behind him as Jean just gave his friend a sad look and put a hand on his shoulder, he bit his lip, he was trying to act strong or whatever but Connie knew he was about to burst too.

"We need to go…" Said Jean, his voice was harsh but sad at the same time. Connie shook his head and held on to Sasha more tightly then before, sobbing.

It took Jean and Armin half an hour to convince their friend to get back to the wall with them, they brought Sasha's body with them, to give her a proper burrial.

As soon as they got back to HQ Connie locked himself in his dorm and started destroying everything he had prepared with his friends, the mess would probably piss Levi off later but he didn't give a shit about it.

He kicked down the tables, threw the chairs, stepped on the flowers and destroyed everything he could find, until everything was as shattered as his heart. Then he sat on his bed and shouted into the pillow, trying to let his frustration go, he sobbed softly for a long time until his hand reached under his pillow and he felt a little round object, the ring.

He sat on his bed and started staring at it with tears in his eyes, _it would have looked so beautiful on her_ he though. He knew there was nobody else who could possibly replace her, he didn't need this ring, it belonged to her and only her, just like his heart.

Before they burried her Connie put the ring on her finger, if she was gone, at least she would bring a part of him with her.

"Wait for me up there…" He whispered before letting her go forever.


	4. Armin

The weight of this world was crashing him down, everything, every single thing that happened weighted eavily on his soul and mind. The loss of the people he cared about was too much for him to handle, he felt so useless and so broken, nothing could ever fix him and he knew that. It was the day just before the next expedition and Armin was alone, not because his friends had left him but because he wanted to be, he couldn't be around them, he couldn't stand feeling alone in a room full of people.

At first this feeling of loneliness and sadness wasn't alarming but it got worse and worse with time, his surroundings took a compleately different tone at certain times: a room full of friends was now the loneliest place, seeing them all happy and cheerfull used to make his feel like that too but now he only felt miss understood, how could they all be so happy when life was so miserable and sad?

Armin had trouble sleeping at night sometimes he would wake up as a feeling of panic and anxiety took over him, he felt like he was failing everyone, he felt so useless and he couldn't stand the pressure that people put on him at times, thinking he always knew what to do, he was so afraid to fail, so afraid to get someone killed. He also had troube finding a reason to wake up in the morning, he felt like he had no meaning at all, no matter how many times Eren or Mikasa had tried to convince him otherwise.

Armin just felt so useless, no one would even realise if he was gone, everyone had a role in the Survey Corps: Eren was humanity's hope, Levi was humanity's strongest, Mikasa was unbelievably skilled, Sasha and Connie kept everyone's spirits up, Jean was a good leader and what was he? He felt unnecessary. He was weak and sad, he couldn't do anything to help.

For Armin, everything started to seem off lately, he stuggled to feel happy or hopeful about anything in his life, he would cry himself to sleep for no apparent reason, to him things seemed to move in slow motion, smiling seemed so strange to him: it just felt stiff and awkward, his smiling muscles felt frozen. It was just as if a glass wall was between him and the rest of the world. He wanted to live in his head, to escape from everything and everyone with his thougts, but anything he thought about always lead to something awful. Expeditions and missions felt like a desperate attempt to archive something impossible, everything seemed so hopeless. Armin was sick of it all.

He had thought about getting it over with more times then he could possibly count, but he wasn't even brave enough to do that, he felt like such a coward. He felt like a selfish coward for wanting to run away for the world and his problems, for leaving Eren and Mikasa but also because he couldn't go trough with it, he felt like it was the only option for him, to be relieved of all the pain he had felt and that he was still feeling as his past weighted so heavily on him.

He lost his parents, he lost his grandfather who had raised him, he lost his friend Marco and he risked losing the rest of his friends every single day, he just wanted to be next, to not have to fear losing anyone ever again.

That night he was alone, sitting outside as his friends got drunk in the mess hall, it could have been the last day of their life after all, he didn't blame them for wanting to have fun.

He was staring deep into the forest but he wasn't really focused on it, he was inside his mind, that dark, scary place. The more he thought the more he felt like doing something drastic but he fought in his head to stay where he was, he tried to convince himself that it wasn't worth it and that he would do it another day… But he wouldn't, that night he felt so deeply hurt that he couldn't even breathe or do anything anymore, he was so numb.

So with a deep sigh he stood up and walked to his dorm. He put a hand under the mattress and moved around until his fingers came in contact with the paper, he found what he was looking for. He ran his hands trough his neat hand writing, he re-read it a couple of times, searching for spelling mistakes or something he wanted to add or scratch out.

He had re-written that letter four times a couple of weeks before, when he was about to cut his veins in the bathroom but that time he was interrupted by Jean knocking on the door so he decided it was a sign and that he would wait some more. He kept the letter hidden though, he knew he would probably need it again. And he was right.

He put the letter in his pocket, he sighed and walked to the mess hall, he wanted to see his friends one last time before leaving this world and knowing he would see them for the last time brought tears to his eyes, he loved them all from the bottom of his heart.

When he reached the mess hall he stood at the entrance for a couple of minutes, observing his comrades with a malinchonic smile on his face.

Sasha was probably drunk, dancing around on the tables as Connie laughed his ass off, he must have been drunk too. Eren and Jean were shouting at eachother as Mikasa looked at them with an annoyed frown, ready to separate them if they happened to start a physical fight.

Historia was sitting next to Mikasa, a drink in her hand, she seemed a little more malinchonic then usual, Armin guessed she was probably thinking about Ymir, she had been lonely since she left with Reiner and Bertholdt. Levi was also there, sitting in a nearby table, watching over his new squad but he didn't seem too intrested.

Armin wiped away a tear from his left eye and entered the room, Mikasa turned to look at him right away, she seemed to notice something was off the second he walked in. She shifted to let him sit next to her, he took the invitation.

"Armin, is everything ok?" She asked. Armin nodded and opened his mouth to reassure her but he was interrupted.

"Armin!" Shouted Sasha, standing on the table right in front of him, she kneeled to look him in the eyes and Armin realised she was a lot drunker then he thought at first. "Why aren't you drinkin with us?" She laughed.

"Where were you anyway?" Asked Jean, he was now behind him, he probably got sick or shouting at Eren.

"I don't really drink…" He shrugged. "I was outside, enjoying nature." Armin lied, trying to sound believable.

He spent some more time with his friends, they were all really drunk. Hearing them laugh made Armin realise how much he would miss these idiots but he was too far gone to go back.

"I think I'm going to go to sleep…" _forever_ he added in his head. Armin's tone of voice was bitter but no one seemed to notice, they were all way too drunk.

"Aw, man, seriously?" Answered Connie. "How lame, it's like 11! It could be your last day, don't you want to have fun?" He didn't know he was right about this beeing his last day but if Armin stayed for another minute he would probably end up crying.

Eren got up and wraped his arms around his friend, he would always get a little too cuddly when he was drunk.

"Night Armin.." He said before letting out a laugh, Armin wraped his arms around him too, returning his hug. _I will miss you the most.._ he thought.

"Goodnight guys… I love you all." He added, without thinking, he just wanted them to know, for the last time.

"Duude, what's with you?" Asked Jean. "It's not like this is the last time we're seeing each other." He laughed, Armin forced out a laugh too.

"Yeah, you're right.. It's just… I felt the impulse to say it." Armin shrugged.

"Aw, maaaan!" Answered Connie. "We love you too!" He put a hand on his shoulder and gave him his brightest smile.

"Yeah, we do!" Agreed Sasha with a smile, just as bright as Connie's.

"Of course we do." Added Eren.

Armin smiled, feeling truly happy for the first time in months.

"Thanks, you guys…" He stayed with them for another couple of minuted until he finally left.

He headed straight for the stables, there was no hesitation, he wanted to do this… he was too broken and for how much leaving his friends hurt him, staying with them with such pain in his heart hurt him even more. In the stables he found a rope and a stool.

He took a walk close to the HQ of the Corps, until he found a tree, close enough for his friends to find him but far enough for not letting anyone see what he was about to do.

He tightened the rope around a branch, hen he stood on the stool and put the rope around his neck, his right hand was honlding on tightly to the letter he had written. He was suddently feeling regretfull again, was it the right thing to do? Would Eren resent him for it? Was it worth it? Would his friends cry when they found him the next day? Who would feel the saddest?

He took a deep breath and suddently, he didn't care, he wanted to be selfish and get it over with so he jumped off the stool, he felt a lot of pain for the first minute but then his hand relaxed and he let the letter fall to his feet.

 _Hey Eren,_

 _I know you can't read but I'm hoping someone will read this for you because I really want you to understand my decision, I know it might be really hard for you, you might even hate me for it, we are really different, you know.. but maybe that is why we get along so well._

 _You are brave, stubburn, idealistic, strong (both physically and psycologically) and nothing can get in your way when you want to achieve something, that is why I truly believe you will suceed, you will see the ocean and finally be free. I'm so sorry that I won't be by your side, I wish I could be, I wish I was strong enough to go on but the truth is I'm not. Everything is crushing me down._

 _This world isn't for everyone, weak people like me can't take it… I hope you won't feel too sad about my "departure" because it's what I wanted, I chose it and you, or Mikasa, or Jean or anyone couldn't have done anything about it. Please don't feel down because you couldn't save me, even if you tried, you couldn't have… and if I didn't do this I would be dying inside more and more every single day, just like I was for the past year. I couldn't take it anymore._

 _This is for the best, I got it over with and I'm finally happy now, I will never feel a single negative emotion ever again, I will be free from the weight of this unbearable sadness I have been feeling.._

 _Tell Mikasa that I love her, she's always protected me when I wasn't able to do it myself, she was always right by our side, saving our sorry asses, even if we didn't deserve it._

 _You both gave me your love, you made my life barable and you gave me a purpose and for that I will always be thankfull. I love you both deeply and saying goodbye to you is the hardest thing I have ever done._

 _Tell Jean that I will say hi to Marco for him and that I love him too, tell him that I'm sorry I couldn't do it, I leave the smart strategies to him._

 _I'm so sorry, I will miss all of you with all of my heart and when I see you on the other side I will hug you so tightly it's goint to hurt, I promise._

 _Eren, you're humanity's hope and I leave you with one last request: save them all from this hell, give everyone the freedom they deserve… I wish you all the luck in the world._

 _I'm really sorry.._

 _-Armin_

Jean found him the next day, hung on that branch…

Author's note:

Hey guysss, a couple of you requested Armin so I decided to do him, I think this chapter is a little sadder then the others, maybe cause it had to do with suicide and it kind of reminded me of my favorite singer (Chester from Linkin Park) who recently passed away.. maybe cause I like Armin or maybe cause I was listening to some depressing shit when I wrote it, lol. I hope you like it! Keep telling me who you'd like me to do next in the reviews, I'll probably do Mikasa, Levi or Historia next because they have already been requested, I'll eventually do all of them, I just need a bit of time… thanks for reading!

-Maddy


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